We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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