And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
