So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
