i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
