I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
