i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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