I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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