4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
