I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
