I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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