Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
