Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
