Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
