Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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