After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
