i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
