my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
