When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
