Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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