What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
