I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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