so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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