Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
