Are we in a gay sports bar?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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