Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
