it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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