Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize