listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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