just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
