we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
