so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
