Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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