Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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