He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
