i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
