Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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