The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
