Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
