textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
