and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
