Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
