I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
