it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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