How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
