I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
