I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
worst night to have a conscience
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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