I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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