I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
