I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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