Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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