No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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