I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
