That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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