I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize