Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
