4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Randomize
