I'm gonna have a badass scar
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
