Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
