there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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