My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
