he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
