I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
