would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
