I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
