Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
