my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
