I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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