let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize