dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You took a bar mat shot.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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