New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
