I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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