Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Someone shattered a urinal.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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