So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
