He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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