why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
