A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
