i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
