I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
