therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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