oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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